Lots of woes..

Woes, woes

All around my toes

Where I hide, there it goes

Well, at least I have a God who cares.

What about yours? =)

Dipsticks

Literature 1 - The Giant Peach and James

Here is one of my favourite-test parts of James and The Giant Peach. This is when the Centipede has taken a bite out of the peach and starts singing a song that rhymes.

Here is an excerpt of the book.

'What a flavour!' the Centipede cried. 'It's terrific! There's nothing like it! There has never been! And I should know because I personally have tasted all the finest foods in the world!' Whereupon the Centipede, with his mouth full of of the peach and with juice running down all over his chin, suddenly burst into song:

'I've eaten many strange and scrumptious dishes in my time,

Like jellied gnat and danyprats and earwigs cooked in slime,

And mice with rice - they're really nice,

When roasted in their prime.

(But don't forget to sprinkle them with just a pinch of grime.)

'I've eaten fresh mudburgers by the greatest cooks there are,

And scrambled dregs and stinkbugs' eggs and hornets stewed in tar,

And pails of snails and lizards' talks,

And beetles by the jar.

(A beetle is improved by just a splash of vinegar.)

'I often eat boiled slobbages. They're grand when served beside

Minced doodlebugs and curried slugs. And have you ever tried

Mosquitoes' toes and wampfish roes

Most delicately fried?

(The only trouble is they disagree with my inside.)

'I'm mad for crispy wasp-stings on a piece of buttered toast,

And pickled spines of porcupines. And then a gorgeous roast

Of dragon's flesh, well hung, not fresh -

It costs a pound at most.

(And comes to you in barrels if you order it by post.)

'I crave the tasty tentacles of octopi for tea

I like hot-dogs, I LOVE hot-frogs, and surely you'll agree

A plate of soil with engine oil's

A super recipe.

(I hardly need to mention that it's practically free.)

'For dinner on my birthday shall I tell you what I chose:

Hot noodles made from poodles on a slice of garden hose -

And a rather smelly jelly

Made from armadillo's toes

(The jelly is delicious, but you have to hold your nose.)

'Now comes,' the Centipede declared, 'the burden of my speech:

These foods are rare beyond compare - some are right out of reach;

But there's no doubt I'd go without

A million plates of each

For one small mite

One tiny bite

Of this FANTASTIC PEACH!'

The fine works of Roald Dahl, may he rest in peace! What a genius! An absolute genius! I wish I could rhyme like that. Oh well. Some day.

=) Till then, enjoy!

Dipsticks

Comebacks for lame pick-up lines

* Not all are mine. =)

Guy : Hey beautiful. I know I've seen you around town somewhere.

Girl : Oh yeah? Maybe it's cause I do charity downtown at the Soup Kitchen. Are you that dude who's always scratching his butt and smelling his fingers?

Guy : You're the horse I'd ride when I go hunting.

Girl : And you are what I'd shoot on sight.

Guy : Hey baby, wanna go out for a cuppa?

Girl : Sure. Just a sec, baby needs a diaper change. Big doo doo. BIG DOO DOO.

Guy : I saw you looking at me on the bus just now.

Girl : Yeah. I read about that baboon that escaped from the zoo. I thought I'd give it a try at that reward.

Guy : Where have you been all my life?
Girl : Hiding from you.

Guy : Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Girl : Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Guy : Is this seat empty?

Girl : Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Guy : Your place or mine?

Girl : Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Guy : How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Girl : Unfertilized.

Guy : Your body is like a temple.
Girl : Sorry, there are no services today.

Guy : I would go to the end of the world for you.
Girl : But would you stay there?

Guy : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Girl : If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Guy : How did you get to be so beautiful?
Girl : I must've been given your share.

Guy : Will you go out with me this Saturday?

Girl : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

Guy : Hey beautiful. What's your number? I would love to give you a call.

Girl : That would be nice. It's in the phone book.

Guy : But I don't know your name.

Girl : Arh. Right. It's in the phone book too.

Guy : You. Are. So. Beautiful.

Girl : God. Gave. Me. Your. Share.

Guy : Hey girl. Drinks are on me!

Girl : O.K! (dumps her drink on his lap.)

Guy : Your body is Wonderland. Can I be Alice and get lost in it.

Girl : Wait. You want to be a little girl?

Guy : Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Girl : Yupe. But not as bad as the climb up from hell.

For all you single ladies who were innocently doing your "stuff" and got picked up by some random dude, this is for your use next year. =)

Hope it was fun!

Dipsticks

Rhyme 1 - Tall people

*For all those folks out there who like to patronize others about their height, here you go!

Some people are so tall

They like to make it known to all

But they should be careful when they make others bawl

That they don't accidentally walk through a wall

Made up on 14/2/2010 1:00am

That's a glass door. Yes. Thank you for the heads up Captain Obvious. While you're tuned to "SMART" mode, could you like, maybe walk into a wall and take a picture for me? Yeah, do that. No? Well, then -> TAKE A HIKE! XD

Sue me. HAH =)
Wait. I just realized I'm one of those who patronizes others about their height. Sorry Ee Chern! =)

Dipsticks

Hello World..

This is my alternate blog where I shall be expressing my more "creative" side.

Things that this blog will include are:

1. Random rhymes

2. Amusing Anecdotes

3. Inspirations
4. Lame one-liners
5. Thoughts and feeligns

6. and a crap-load of nonsense =)

Tata folks.

There is a child in each of us. Express him. =)

Dipsticks